I grew up hearing proverbs like:

· Every cloud has a silver lining.

· When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

· Have an attitude of gratitude.

· When one door closes, another opens.

· This is a blessing in disguise.

They never made sense to me at the time, because I was moody and seriously depressed as a child and young adult.

A few years ago, I was leading a completely unconscious life. I spent my days doing soul-crushing corporate work, I went from one dysfunctional relationship to the next, and I practiced mental self-sabotage on a daily basis. I believed that partying, flashy cars, soulless dates, expensive trips and designer handbags would bring me happiness. I was numbing my emotions. Addicted to shopping and spending, I thought that the ‘golden ticket’ lay in materialism and finding a rich Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. A voice deep down told me I was searching in the wrong places, but it took me a while to listen.

One summer night, partying on the French Riviera, I watched as people spent thousands of euros having a ‘good time’ at clubs. When we left the clubs, I’d see smiling beggars asking for as little as a euro for food. The contrast was a wake-up call.

At the waterfront home of a millionaire, I felt like such an outsider amidst the laughing partygoers; I had never felt so alone and so miserable. I wanted to let go and have a great time, but I just didn’t know how; I thought it was something that just ‘happened’ to lucky people. As I stood on the dock, I realized that my life was meant to consist of much more than aimless partying and a job that did not align with my truth. I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to change my life and be happy.

That day was the start of my journey; I began unlearning and remembering my powers. I realized I’d always been a devoted student of spirit, and I became a child again.

After I lost my father, I didn’t know if I would experience joy again, or if I would ever understand the meaning of life. His death impacted me deeply. I realized that my greatest tool was forgiveness. I needed to forgive my family and let go of the past. Part of my recovery involved allowing myself all the time I needed to be miserable. I didn’t try to control the grieving process;

I developed self-sabotaging habits, addictions and cycles of self-destruction. I was stuck in the mindset of “when I have that, I will be happy”. I was raised to believe that it was selfish to think of yourself first, but it became clear that my survival depended on my ability to give myself a new and deep level of love and self-care. I spent the next few years doing research, reading tons of books and exploring yoga, chanting, meditation and energy healing. I attended workshops and classes and discovered that most of the time happiness is a choice and a state of being, even when really ‘bad’ things are happening!

The first step was allowing myself to speak up and say that I wanted to change. I observed my behavior and invited my higher self to guide me.

Meditation helped me connect to Oneness and my inner guidance. I was able to begin to make choices and decisions based on the idea that I am empowered to make changes to my life. I found I was guided to where I needed to go, one day at a time, and that I awakened to presence of light within and around me.

I discovered many things about myself; for instance, I am a highly intuitive and sensitive person and I pick up on other people’s energies. I had to overcome my sadness and anger and stop acting inauthentically. I was tired of trying to meet expectations. I’d been deluded into wearing a mask and dressing, acting and even socializing a certain way. None of it was in alignment with who I truly was, none of it made sense. Deep inside me, a wave of happiness wanted to rise up and wash away the layers I’d accumulated over the years.

It wasn’t easy, but on a deep intuitive level I knew that in order to live authentically, I had to be willing to “feel the fear and do it anyway.

After I embraced my darkness, I started evolving into a happy, outgoing optimist who understood the purpose of life. I became present enough to reconnect, witness the light and find answers. On a soul level, I discovered that I could be the source of my own happiness regardless of the circumstances. I found my calling and allowed it to guide me and help me break free of the prison of expectations and acceptability.

I now believe that we live in an abundant and beautiful Universe.

Life is a gift and a journey, and I shape my own reality. The way I feel about myself is the way the world sees me. These past few months, I’ve really had to dig deep to find my core happiness and get to know who I truly am. The inward journey helped me find my passion and drive.

Slowly, I began to experience moments of joy. Slowly, I reclaimed the ability to laugh. I understood “this too shall pass and life will go on”. I felt blessed and grateful to be truly alive. I made changes to all aspects of my life. I’d been a slave to accumulating things, and I chose to get rid of my excessive designer wardrobe and any clutter. I also let go of the obsession with finding a Prince Charming to rescue me.

I dropped the mask, my addictions dissolved and I regained an understanding of what it means to be happy. Physically, I am restored. Each day, the Universe sends me signs confirming that I am on the right track. Beautiful souls appear in my life in the form of support, true friends, and guides. My creative projects are flowing, abundance comes to me from unexpected sources, ideas appear like gifts from the skies, and genuine souls keep showing up in my life.

The past 8 months have been a full throttle exciting roller coaster ride, but I’ve had the time of my life. I’ve made drastic positive lifestyle changes that will affect the rest of my life, and I feel like my father was guiding me from the Other Side. I’ve learned that change is the only constant. I honor all things imperfect and impermanent and seek light amidst the darkness. The past few months have been a profound process of filling my deep wounds with pure iron, not to forget what happened, but to find beauty in the midst of tragedy. My shadows led me to find “the light in my own darkness and kiss my demons to find inner peace and true fulfillment.”

2014 was the year I decided to start playing big.

I chose to take responsibility for my life. I stepped back into my power and broke away from the victim mentality. Every day is an opportunity to be a student of the light by following my inner passion and that which brings me joy.

In the process of doing everything I could to heal my body, mind and spirit, I realized that my success could serve as an inspiration for others and I found my calling.

Where have you found light in a ‘bad’ situation? How has a ‘negative’ experience helped you discover an unbelievably precious part of yourself? Have you found your calling and identified what drives you in life?