Vipassana, a meditation based on the teachings of the Buddha attempts to rid the mind of its impurities and negative patterns. The meditation lasts ten days during where one takes an oath of “noble silence” on day zero, no communication of any kind to anyone except for the teachers. (no eye contact, no talking, no reading, to writing, no mobiles, no laptops). The car ride to the venue was very nostalgic as it brought through a road down memory lane of my childhood town and the city I was born and raised in.

When we got to the location, we greeted and sat for a orientation presentation and introduction which ended with the vow of silence and a short meditation followed by going to bed. The first day started before the crack of dawn with the daily schedule of rising at 4 am and ending at 9 pm with a few breaks for rest and meals during the day. Meals are simple and vegetarian. The daily schedule consists of 11+ hours of meditation and an evening video discourse on the technique of the practice by Goenka who popularized this technique around the world. It is a free of charge course and runs on a donation basis, Women and men are segregated, (I shared a room with 2 other girls).

I was fortunate to have One of my closes friends taking the course with me yet it was so challenging to avoid eye contact with her. There were people from all walks of life at the course, which made me realize that with each soul comes a story. I felt isolated even though I was surrounded by around 70 other people. It was just me, myself and the technique which was explained to us daily and I truly enjoyed the silence part.

Even before I returned to society; the moment the noble silence was lifted and we could talk normally again, I felt the immediate effect of this powerful technique. 10 days of silence and meditation had shaken me to my core. It had taken me on a roller coaster ride of emotions, thoughts, memories, feelings and a vivid inner dialogue. Being back home I felt some withdrawal symptoms from the amazing souls I had spent the last 11 days with.

This meditation is not to be taken lightly and is not for the faint hearted. It is one of the most challenging mental, emotional and physical things I have ever done. It is described as performing brain surgery for deep rooted causes of misery without any anesthetic.

By the third day the entire left side of my body went numb and I had excruciating numbing pain from sitting in one position without moving. So much healing was happening within me and lots of issues which were ready to be healed came up.

We learnt the technique of reprogramming our subconscious mind to react differently to situations (which was the body pain) and remain equanimous to it. The calm, reassuring recorded voice of Goenka’s spirit projected by the speakers every evening boomed throughout the meditation hall. It was almost as if the old man was there with us. He miraculously explained exactly what I was feeling in that moment when I needed encouragement most of all each night. 3 times a day, there are hour-long sits of “strong determination”. You cannot move or open your hands, eyes, or legs. You are in one position for the entire hour. When was somewhere in the middle of one of those agonizing hours and a physical pain was bound to show up. Personally left leg, foot and kneck were the hot spots. There were points throughout the meditation that it felt like someone was taking a hot fire poker and like a sadistic sculptor placing it on points through out my body and hammering away on the end of it. Deeper and deeper the pain became.

You are taught to stay equanimous, treating everything equally due to the impermanent nature of all things. When you feel the pain you are taught to just notice it, stay objective, “like a doctor examining a body” and then move on to the next body part. When you feel the pain though and it is very intense, it becomes quite difficult to stay equanimous. The pain becomes your focus. But with Goenka’s guidance I started to assess how much of the pain was real and physical and how much of it was created by my mind and my perception of the pain. I soon realized that it was not the actual pain that was hurting me the most, no, it was the monster I was creating in my head from the pain. It was no longer just “there is an intense sensation in my left leg”. My mind was spinning a horror story. It took a while for me to realize this but I slowly understood that this behavior was not limited to the meditation hall. How often in life do we have silly “pains”; undesirable situations that cause worries and anxieties that consume our life when we could be doing other things and actually enjoying ourselves. Anytime life isn’t perfect, we cannot relax. We cannot enjoy life.  I realized that even the even the most heightened sensations go away and the only constant is change which represents everything in life.

The course location was around 100 Km away from the city I was born and raised and this played a huge impact in my entire childhood and teen memories come back to me to vividly during the course, I was seeing so many images and flashes from my past. There were different animals nearby and this too reminded me of my upbringing and the neighborhood i grew up in. I was having lucid dreams each night which added to my healing aspect as I got answers through my dreams.

 I had some issues I had to sort out that I was worried about while at the course. I was constantly thinking and worrying about those issues when I could have been meditating. The pain was that I have issues to sort – that was real. The monster I created, however, told me that I would end up destroyed, miserable and a failure and forever a slave to paying bills and the corporate slavery rat race. By the 7th day all these emotions manifested as a severe fever, flu and chest pain. By the 8th day the pain got worse as all the stored negative emotions, regret, pain, sadness, fear was ready to come out and be healed. On the 9th day I wanted to check out to another dimension from the depth and severity of my pain, it felt like someone was kicking me in the chest and back and my throat chakra was completely blocked with a severe itching pain.

 I decided I wasn’t at the course to get away from the real world, I was there to face myself. And what would be accomplished if I were to run away (mentally) from all the aches and pains that started to show up.  I started accepting all the pain that was there and I kept myself composed. I simply stopped reacting. I put all my energy into keeping my mind balanced and not creating any mental pain, and guess what, the physical pain left miraculously on the 10th day. I had learnt many important lessons, I realized all the blessings I had in my life and all that I was grateful for. The miraculous healing that took place on the ten day and how the agonizing pain (which was from my negative stored emotions and memories) went away reminded me about the teachings of how to remain equanimous to everything in my lives as the only constant is change.

 There will never be a moment in our lives when something “bad” isn’t there in the background. Life cannot be all be rosy and perfect. Nothing lasts and the law of nature is the law of impermanence. Those who wait for all their problems to be solved in order to be happy will be waiting past the day they die.

So I developed a sincere a smile on my face, knowing that the “bad” times will end eventually, and be grateful for the good times because those, too, have an expiration date.

I want to share one of the many beautiful lessons I not only learned but came to fully understand through experiencing it myself; The brain makes a mental pain and story out of physical pain which ultimately goes away.The law of nature is that nothing is constant, everything changes.

Getting out of my comfort zone, sitting in my discomfort and understanding that this (discomfort or pain) too shall pass was one of the greatest lessons I had.

Being compassionate to myself; adjust my internal expectations of the outer world.
The world doesn’t fall apart while you’re not paying attention to it:  I was reminded that the whole illusion of control that runs our lives is just that–an illusion. Being “out of control” of current events for 11 days had no impact whatsoever on the happenings of the world.

When we broke the vow of silence, I got to know all the amazing souls i had spent the last 10 days with
I realized that living ten days like a monk/nun in my pyjamas was one of the most beneficial things i had done for my soul and it took me on a journey of realizations

This wonderful teaching of vipassana teaches you the mastery of your mind and heals the root causes of misery, pain, sadness, grief and regret from the root of where they came from.
This deep healing journey made me realize that my entire life I had been chasing for happiness and chasing after things which i thought would attain happiness for me while in reality being present and still and the journey is all that truly matters.

I realized how the simplest things in life can be the most soothing and comforting to my heart and that happiness is an inner state of being no matter what the outside factors may be and how I had been searching for happiness on the outside for long. For many years I had the “if so” syndrome of believing “if I had so and so” I will be happy and each time so and so came true, I realized I was still in my misery. I am so fortunate to have experienced this truly magical and life changing inward journey of self actualization and definitely recommend it for those who are ready to make changes to their life and connect with the oneness and divinity within to step back into their powers.I am now ready to live a life beyond my wildest dreams in connecting with the magnitude of the voice within me guiding me in each moment of recognition of my journey. I am allowing and witnessing, I am present to the magnitude, I am a devoted student of spirit, I am a child again.
I am Guided to where I need to go one day at a time, I awaken to presence of the light within me and around me. Every single day is an opportunity and privilege for me to be a student of the light
As I embark on my journey, to learn more and teach more I now look forward to my next spiritual trip.

.